Lore of Yore
Histories of the known universe... and beyond
The phenomenon of a "spite house" became an unusual note in the history books of the Humans of Earth, being as it was a building constructed with the express purpose of annoying a neighbour, often to ensure the last word in a squabble. For Bernard Rasp, a descendant of the British colonists of Lars Luma, these quarrelling home-owners were all thinking too small.
Rasp, the son of forward-thinking activists Kevan Meric and Gesillé Rasp, became determined to rebel against his progressive and easy-going parents by growing up as straight-laced and irritable as possible. However, no one drew Rasp's ire more than a Mr. Desmond Groan, inhabitant of the neighbouring Lars Orbit world of Lars Proxima, who made a fateful visit to the sunward planet for a New Year's celebration. There, Mr. Groan attended a street party hosted in Rasp's home town of Bobbins, and while fervently dancing to a selection of popular hits by Vamp and the Losers, accidentally spilled Rasp's ale. The affront so offended Rasp that he pursued a vendetta of strongly-worded letters against Groan for the next three years, and took to gazing up at the planetary body in the sky and muttering obscenities under his breath. Ultimately Mr. Groan, tired of having to pay for successively larger mailboxes, wrote a letter of apology to Rasp, hoping to end the matter. This was not enough for Rasp, however. The sight of Lars Proxima from his front lawn now enraged him, and he spent the following year devising methods of removing it from his sight. After constructing hundred-foot fences and solid-steel dishes to block the planet from view, but which failed to account for the planetary orbits, Rasp searched further afield for a solution. It was not for another two years that he would stumble upon his final and somewhat extreme manner of revenge. Happening upon a being named i'Fici'fit, rumoured to be an embodied descendant of the lost Pencans and working as a cosmic ecopoiesegist on Terra Arthus, Rasp paid a small fortune to have her construct a small nebula between Proxima and Luma. The cosmological engineer was as good as her word, and the resulting stellar growth did indeed obscure Rasp's view of Lars Proxima for the first period of its gestation. However, i'Fici'fit failed to impart the specifics of the nebula's size, and it soon developed its own gravity. This played havoc with the orbits of both Lars worlds, and pulled the pair into an irreversible collision course. While both worlds were successfully evacuated, Bernard Rasp refused to leave his home, and was last seen sitting in a deckchair on his lawn with a somewhat triumphant expression on his face as his world careened into Lars Proxima, obliterating both bodies. Mr. Groan and his family relocated to the nearby colony on Vorgak 3, and said little about the Rasp affair, presumably from sheer awkward embarrassment. The nebula, having obtained a much larger mass thanks to the remnants of the planetary collision, was nicknamed Bernard's Spite, and its distinctive golden hue can be seen from Earth on a clear day.
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